Adrian's Precipice

This part in turn follows on from Adrian's Dialog.

‘Adrian Salem, Knight of the Clockwork City,’ the woman pronounced. ‘I admit that many would not predict this happening so soon.’

‘Do I know you?’ Adrian said.

‘It is a matter of perspective. We were bound to meet sooner or later.’

The woman stepped into what seemed to be light, but in this nothing Adrian could not be sure. What he did see as the figure drew closer though, was that her pupils were not black and round but made the shape of skulls in the iris.

‘You’re… her… aren’t you?’ he began with fearful reverence. ‘What can you do for me?’

‘Theoretically, anything, Adrian,’ she swung the scythe with a sense of drama, ‘although the price would, lamentably, reduce the effectiveness of the deal.’

‘Why do I have to be here?’

‘You asked a favour from the swamp lady. I was indebted to her in turn, so here I am for you.’

‘Then why is everything gone?’ Adrian looked around. Something was almost visible in the nothing.

‘It gets like this when you are close to Death.’ She stepped closer and the image in the distance became a baby, growing fast, whom Adrian recognised all too well.

‘Can you get me to the mountains alive?’ Rightfully, Adrian was a little nervous.

‘Of course!’ She now turned away from him and his lifetime faded away. She faced him again and said, ‘it may require, say, a “brush” to take you that far.’

‘A brush?’

‘Okay.’ Death grabbed his hand and Adrian felt the sensation of being pulled free of a guillotine only in the nick of time – then a noise you would think to be a motorbike running out of petrol. After this he was standing halfway up a steep incline, a valley visible around the bulge of the mountain but not where he was heading.

‘Excuse that, but this is as far as it will take you. I know we will meet again, Adrian. I won’t spoil the surprise though.’ The voice faded away and he was alone in a wild country with only a fading memory of where to go. Somewhere towards the crest of this hill was the cave where who-knows-what stood between him and the prize he required so desperately.

Adrian skimmed down and stood on the goat track winding up the hill, when out of the blue the scene from Egghead returned with a possible alternative route. The cave he was to enter formed an opening to the subsystem under the mountain range, but further down the slope was a larger, horizontal entrance that would take a longer walk to find the Lentil and alleviate him from sliding down a long precarious shaft.

Lo and behold there was such a cave on this side of the rise but celebration was extinguished by a loud, deep breathing that wafted out onto Adrian’s face. Though he would didn't know it yet, an ancient dragon had taken up residence in the cave and now guarded the Lentil jealously as part of its hoard.

The Alice Treatment

'Your work in this area is so exemplary that we are moving you to continue it in a better environment.'

She didn't want to admit it, but they were doing this to quiet her opinions. Anyone moved to the east wing was never heard from again. Not literally of course, they were still seen coming to work and such, but their projects didn't seem to reach the light of day - appropriate considering the tinting in that area of the building was very excessive.

'You're the new girl, right?' the lady by the elevator began. 'I'll help you take your stuff up there, but they aren't so keen on tours, so you will have to find your own way around.'

The elevator to the main sector for the east wing was normal enough, except inside was a mildly unsettling plaque announcing "You're down the rabbit hole now." The third floor was where she would move in.

'Gee, it's quite dark in here, isn't it?' she commented inquiringly.

'I guess you get used to it,' said the elevator lady. 'Some of the employees prefer it this way and should you need more light the offices have plenty of lamps.' Down an adjoining passage an orange goo was spreading, she had barely stopped to look when the elevator lady turned around and grabbed her by the arm.

'Come on! I knew we should get some more fungicide.' They continued along the corridor to the Important Door.

'What is that stuff back there?'

'We call it Orientation. It can be useful sometimes, but around here it just wastes time.'

'I think it was shaping out my name.'

'That reminds me,' the elevator lady must have thought she was changing the subject. 'I'm Alex. What do people call you?'

'Well, people call me by Felice Strange, my pen name.'

'Oh, I read some of your work! Don't worry then, you'll fit right in here,' Alex said. They entered the room and Felice saw that there was one simple desk in the centre of the room.

'I get a whole office to myself?'

'Intermittently,' Alex said as if it was a matter of fact.

'What exactly am I working for here, though? They just said in the letter that I would be "continuing".'

'Talk to John up the corridor - he leads things around here.' She started to leave.

'Leads what?'

Alex acted like she hadn't heard the last part and suddenly remembered something, 'you have a padlock, right?'

'I always carry a lock, yes,' Felice dumped her portfolios on the small desk.

'Put all of your things in the big draw and just lock around the handle. That way you will always see it.'

Always see it? This was surreal, though Felice would be forgiven for thinking it was the extent of the crazy she would witness today.

Adrian's Dialog

This continues from Adrian's Amble, I apologise if it comes off as a bit boring, I promise that the next part is more interesting :)

The goo reaching just below his neck and the breathable air having quickly turned to hot, reeking steam, Adrian was nearly driven to despair. Unusually, though, the sinking stopped and he stood there – nearly immersed but definitely alive. Several seconds passed where nothing happened, the gloop of a bubble the only sound in the cookie cottage until a wrinkled arm shot up out of the “water”.

‘Blaa!’ he said, startled. Adrian would have jumped but the liquid was too viscous. The old, purplish hand was holding a disembodied eye. Another arm shot up out of the muck and the hand made the shape of a mouth – it began to “talk” to him in a clear and whiny voice, as if the hand itself had a voice box.

‘Why, you aren’t a child! Why go to all the trouble of building a place like this if all I catch are disgusting old men – hmm?’

‘I’m not an old man,’ Adrian complained.

‘Well you might as well be.’ The hand clicked its fingers. The house was gone and Adrian was simply in the middle of the swamp. ‘This place is supposed to look like whatever you want most on the outside. Could never quite get the inside to work though, always ends up as a gingerbread house.’

‘I don’t see the point of –’

‘Quiet.’ The hand lent forward. ‘Is that spinach that I can smell?’

‘Sure, but –’

‘Why didn’t you say so?’ The hands disappeared beneath the surface, and quickly the head and torso of a short, bulbous hag emerged. The hag squished the eye back into its socket, and she clicked her fingers again; Adrian was now standing only knee deep in the slippery ooze.

‘Come on – let us have the spinach, love. If there’s one thing I like more than children, it’s spinach.’ Now it was talking with its mouth, as well as slavering profusely.

He began to reach into his pocket but stopped abruptly.

‘You’ve got to promise me that I can leave the swamp, and that you’ll show me in the right direction to the mountains.’

‘Alright, alright, anything if you give me that spinach!’

‘And I – well if it’s anything…’

‘Yes, yes, anything, give me the food!’

‘I want you to take me there. Take me to the Lentil.’

‘The what?’

‘Look, just use your magic or something – you people know all sorts of tricks.’

‘I will call you in a favour I’m owed, okay? Now make with the spinach.’

Adrian handed over the green stalk, and everything began to fade away. That isn’t to say that he fainted, but the whole of everything but himself faded out of view and left him standing in nothing. A blackness was formed in front of him – out of it came a young woman in a hooded cloak, carrying something in her arms.

Adrian's Amble

This follows on from Adrian's Quest.

Adrian left the city through the western gate – unceremoniously nicknamed ‘the armpit’ by the populace. Around here was the farmland that was so desperate for something to grow. Sir Adrian, being the upstanding gentleman he was, ‘donated’ a considerable amount of gold to one of the farmers to make it easier to tell him in which direction he could travel to make it through the forest.

‘See,’ said the farmer, pointing at a tree that looked no different from any others. ‘Along that path and you should be at the swamp. I suppose that beyond it are the mountains.’

‘But there is no path!’ said Adrian.

‘You have to squint just right to see it,’ the farmer said.

In here the trees were so close together that only a weak, tea coloured light penetrated the canopy. The only thing he could be sure of was that he was moving away from the city. As afternoon turned into dusk, Adrian began to understand why this wasn’t the Happy Bunny Forest. Owls hooting in the distance, and a wolf’s howl once darkened his mood to an idle apprehension. He came to a small clearing – or at least what amounted to one, it was barely four metres across – where a patch of spinach wavered in the night breeze. Obviously puzzled, but still wary, Adrian bent down to grab some. The spinach shrunk away into the ground like a crab at the beach. When he stood up, the spinach popped up again several steps away. He went to grasp it and yet again it was sucked back into the dirt. Looking over his shoulder, the patch had now reappeared on the other side of the clearing.

‘Third time’s a charm.’ He dived for the ground and snatched the tip of the plant as it went away. There was a ripping sound and a screech. Something tapped his shoulder. Slowly Adrian turned around and saw, noting that it hadn’t been there before, a large willow tree with two knots on the front. The branches above gave the impression of it frowning. The thing on his shoulder was another limb. He casually pushed it away, but a large groaning creak from within the tree made his eyes widen with fear.

‘Oh. No.’ The tree reached out with its branches, but Adrian was no longer there. He ran and ran, trees ripping at the cloak covering his chain mail, boughs glancing off of his pauldrons. All of a sudden the most horrible stench reached his nose and he realised he must have been nearing the swamp. Up ahead was a cliff side with a well-worn door in it. He dodged the last irate tree and clambered inside.

There was a sweet aroma in the air. Perhaps it was just more desirable than the pong of the “flatulent” swamp. He pulled out a match from his breastplate and struck it on something. He couldn’t see a cave at all, but the interior of what he imagined looked like a gingerbread house of all things. He took a step forward and a tile in the floor moved. The walls around him began to lower. Bubbling up was stinking ooze. He tried the door and it didn’t budge. He began to frantically bash on the walls and windows but to no avail. The whole place was sinking into the swamp and Adrian had no way out.

Bob Up and Up

So, while I am thinking up the next story scene, here's a few sections that I have so far come up with. Sorry about the format, but like I said, I did originally start designing this as a computer game.

After Bob finds himself in the new country, he has to make his way through:

Windown Fields - Rolling hills populated by bouncy Boocark birds and littered with water wells, windmills and bridges, but farmers are nowhere to be seen. The mother of the Boocark birds does not take kindly to Bob using her young to jump up high and chases him, forcing him to take refuge in Château des Poissons Rouges (The Castle of the Red Fish).

Château Magnifique - Making his way through the castle, Bob meets Fishington, a red herring. While he navigates the puzzles and traps, Fishington taunts him, when finally, at the tallest tower, Bob has to engage in a battle of wits with the strange creature. When Fishington concedes defeat, he mentions that to reach Augusteen he must first conquer the mountains. Bob now must choose whether to take the path of the high peaks or the caves underneath, each with their own fair share of danger.

The Mountain Pass - After escaping grouchy goats and dodging perilous falling paths, Bob reaches an abandoned monastery. Suddenly, as he is about to descend, the hideous G'Daarg appears and calls avalanches which threaten to bury Bob. Bob manages to trick the creature into burying itself, and slides down the mountain to the foothills below.

Cavern Maze - Underneath the mountains it is very hard to know where you are going. Bob finds his way by following the light sprites that guide him to the crystal jungle (a sort of geode in the caves). He doesn't have much time to view the beauty, because to reach the surface he must fight the Prefect (a caveman with a large head, hardly any legs but a big club) on the bridge of Itsurdoom.

Adrian's Quest

Here's the start of a serialized version of one of my short stories.

The citizens of the Clockwork City were a morbid bunch, due to the many rules and regulations with which the Prince had constrained them since the death of the King. The Prince did not like his city or his circumstance. Being, in his opinion, a perfectly organised person, he couldn’t stand the disorganisation of an entity with the word Clock in its title. For example, the rains were late, the people were hungry and whichever girl was going to marry him was nowhere to be seen – without a Queen he could not be King. This story is not about proving whether the Prince was competent, evil or good though; it is about Sir Adrian, Knight of the City on his quest to find the fabled Golden Lentil.

‘The what?’ Adrian laughed.

‘I said, to feed the people and raise their spirits, you must find the Golden Lentil!’ repeated the wizened old Egghead. ‘The Golden Lentil is a huge, magical lentil; it will grow many lentil trees and provide food for decades to come. The only problem is it is located in a land far to the west – beyond the Foreboding Forest and the Flatulent Swamp. Anyway, we need a knight to go there.’

‘And that knight is me?’ said Adrian sceptically.

‘Not necessarily, there is William,’ Egghead muttered.

‘I’ll do it. But what exactly do I do?’ Adrian said.

‘You simply make your way through those lands to the ancient resting place of the treasure.’

‘What if it isn’t there?’ said Adrian.

‘I will give you three clues,’ Egghead continued, unabated, ‘the first is the true location of the bean, only known in thoughts, not in words.’ Egghead touched his fingers to Adrian’s head. A flash of a cave, and something large – and alive; then a wide, sweeping image of the mountain scenery, showing him the route to climb.

‘The second is a message from the last hero who attempted to find the Lentil.’ Adrian heard in another voice the phrase: ‘Oh, it hurts, so badly!’

‘Wait.’ Egghead’s message stopped. ‘A little further back than that,’ he mumbled. There were sounds like a mosquito flying backwards and then ‘The hag likes spinach.’

‘The hag likes… huh? What’s the point of that?’ Adrian was becoming impatient.

‘The final clue is… that contrary to popular belief, lentils are delicious and nutritious.’

‘This is ludicrous - how am I supposed to make it to the western mountains and all the way back again with nothing but a mental image and some stupid sayings?’

‘That is up to you,’ Egghead was gone when Adrian tried to look at him.

Rob

Bob remembered that in his world, about a year ago, there was a very stupid plot of Evil Bob's that involved taking one of Cityville's terrible television shows and setting it loose on the population.

The result was Rob, an inventor from an afternoon soap-opera who didn't want to rage or smash, so Bob gave him a home. Rob built the Bobmobile and set up several contraptions in Bob's basement.

One day Rob was tinkering with a radio that wasn't plugged in but managed to hear a message that concerned him quite a lot. Bob never found out what Rob heard, but the next morning there was a note on his door saying he had to leave in the Robcopter urgently. Bob decided to fly in a random direction to try and find him, but so far there has been no luck. This brings us to the beginning of his latest adventure.

Set of Stories

The following are a few ideas that I haven't fully developed. Hopefully I will decide to use one for the blog - feel free to comment on them or suggest which I should keep going with.

Alternate History - It is 1923 and most of Europe has been overrun by the Austro-Hungarian Empire. The British and French as a coalition have retreated to Quebec and Japan has launched an attack on Beijing. European royalty has taken refuge in Greenland and New Denmark (Australia) while Australian Wales is busy defending New Guinea. Jacob Garnet is a teacher in Milan called to find a lost weapon that could possibly force Austro-Hungary to retreat (I know this last bit sounds familiar - it could be in the style of pulp adventure stories like Indiana Jones).

Fantasy - A golem becomes self-aware and is guided by a talking crow to Tartarus at the ends of the earth to find Chaos, who they think might grant him a life.

Fairytale - A talking cabbage and a lost dog travel towards the sunset to find paradise. Along the way they meet a kingdom of mice, accidentally join the circus and get swept to the arctic while sailing on the ocean (this seems like an old afternoon television show where they may not reach the goal anytime soon, but have plenty of adventures).

Meet Bob

It was 2003. There was pottery involved. Less than a year later I had attempted to draw a set of comics starring the character. They were fairly terrible.

Bob was a new resident of the imaginary "Cityville", but nobody suspected that he was in fact the cover identity for... Bob (the caped, flying vigilate), always in the nick of time to save Cityville from Evil Bob's dastardly schemes. Evil Bob was similar to Bob in shape and stature, but had no lips, pinpoint eyes and wore a monacle. Needless to say I enjoyed the idea of the character, but I probably didn't like the idea of the actual comic. The mythology grew but the amount of story did not. Rob, a friend of Bob's, was an evil creation turned good, and Mr Mayor was the only human who knew Bob's secret identity. Stay with me here, it gets better.

I realised I needed to start again, but gave up on the idea for several years. Then, the weird started to set in. What if Bob's cape were what let him fly? What if there were a platform game with a green blob character? And what if the story weren't trash? Well it could maybe, just maybe be something worth thinking about.

One day, Bob was out flying over the ocean, when suddenly a bird stole his cape. He began to fall, but a chasm in the air opened beneath him, and he fell some more. Down in a deep, dark place he slowly stood up - there seemed to be something on the walls. A movie projecter roared into life, and before him was a simple message - "We Need You!". The image flickered away and out of the gloom appeared a spooky abberation hanging from the ceiling. The thing with glowing eyes pointed at him with a bony, upside down arm. It spoke in a muffled tone, like its mouth were covered.

"You will help me"

"Why?" Bob asked.

"You will destroy the evil one, known as... P. T. Giles."

"P. T. Giles doesn't sound very evil; and you're one to talk - hanging from the ceiling with eerie glowing eyes!"

"That is immaterial! You will first seek the advice of Spring Augusteen! Go to the East!"

"Where?" Bob asked, but he was standing on a beach, facing across rolling hills to the rising sun.

It's not much, but should be a start. Stay tuned for some character descriptions and Bob's further investigations of this strange place.

Welcome to my head

Anyone is welcome, but understand that it's weird in here.

I'm an amateur photographer, and I enjoy writing stories, though I've finished few. I'm also interested in game development but my complete lack of graphical talent seems to preclude the genesis of anything particularly worthwhile. On the other hand, I do sometimes imagine things with a pencil in hand - a fake superhero and several foreign lands happened this way.

If you are still reading by now then maybe you have what it takes to join in the fun and sound off in comments on my random ideas.